thinking alot about Max today...

Max is on my mind today--more so than when this process started. I'm making mental plans for this baby already while at the same time, trying not too excited in fears that it will jinx my hopes. I'm getting to the point where I can't imagine what I'd do if something adverse happened--but I have to relax and let nature take its course.

It's just now starting to hit me--there's a baby on the way. A new human being that will have realities, hopes, dreams and passions. How will I discipline this child whilst balancing my own personal hypocrisies? It's something that's bothered me with every child who's guidance I've contributed to and has forced me to correct the errors in my ways.

It's week seven now and Amy showed the prenatal vitamins that the doctor prescribed for her. I was relieved to see that she'd been given exactly what I suggested to her that she take. I want to do everything as thoroughly as I can--no stone left unturned, dot every 'i' and cross every 't'. I realize that humans have been doing this for approximately six million years and that no amount of extra effort that I put forth will increase or decrease the quality of the birthing process.

But in some ways I finding that I'm somewhat jealous at the relationship that Amy and the baby are starting to have. I don't know how to get more involved so that I'm helping more than hindering.

more later...